Frequently asked questions and issues

Potty training raises the same questions for almost all parents. Sometimes it feels like it's not progressing, or like you're doing something "wrong". Good news: most bumps are part of the learning process and resolve themselves with rest, predictability, and small steps. This overview article bundles the most frequently asked questions and gives you a clear basic approach. You'll read what's normal, when to take a step back, and in which cases it's better to ask for help. This way you keep it safe, clear and feasible – for your child and for yourself.

Why potty training doesn't go in a straight line

Learning to be potty trained consists of three skills that grow simultaneously: feeling (recognizing the urge), understanding (what should I do?) and doing (going to the potty or toilet on time). In busy play, in new places, or when tired, something sometimes falters in that chain. That's why the process goes in waves: days with success are interspersed with days full of accidents. That's normal and not a sign that it "failed". The goal is not "dry every day", but more and more attempts and longer dry periods.

Frequently asked questions

My child doesn't want to use the potty. Should I insist?

Resistance is normal, especially in toddlers who like to choose for themselves. Forcing increases tension and is counterproductive. Better: short, predictable moments (1–2 minutes), small choices ("potty or toilet?", "now or after the story?") and the same short sentences. Do you see real fear (stiffening, crying, fear of sounds)? Then first safety and relaxation, and build up step by step.

How many accidents are normal?

In the starting phase, there can be multiple accidents per day. In the practice phase, dry intervals become longer, but mistakes still happen when distracted or tired. In the stable phase, there may be an occasional accident, especially outdoors. Pay attention to the trend: trying more often + longer dry periods = progress.

My child only poops in the diaper. What now?

That is often fear of pooping due to tension or a previous painful experience. Build in intermediate steps: first sitting in a diaper, then cutting the diaper open at the back so that poop falls into the potty, and only then without a diaper. Prevent pain (drinking, fiber, exercise) and keep sitting moments short and relaxed (footrest, book).

It was going well, but suddenly there is a relapse. Normal?

Yes. Relapse often comes after vacation, illness, a new group, or busy weeks. Restore the basics with 2–4 predictable try-moments per day, easy clothing, and neutral reactions. Usually you will see peace and growth again within a few days.

Why does it work at home and not at daycare (or vice versa)?

Difference arises from environment, timing and words. Children learn faster if the approach is the same everywhere. Agree on a set of words (pee, poop, potty, toilet, wet/dry, washing hands), 2–3 fixed moments and short scripts with daycare/grandparents, and ask for a short handover ("tried 2×, succeeded 1×, 1 accident – atmosphere calm").

How long does the whole process take?

That differs per child. From first attempts to stable potty trained during the day often takes several weeks to months. Nighttime potty training usually comes later and is separate from daytime. More important than the calendar is movement in the pattern.

When should I worry?

Seek advice if there is pain/burning, if poop is (always) hard and painful, if there are very frequent small amounts of urine, or if there is no single progress in attempts and dry intervals for 4–6 weeks despite a consistent approach. If in doubt, consult with the health clinic or doctor.

Look at patterns, not individual days

A bad day feels big, but doesn't say much. Evaluate weekly with three simple questions:

• Attempts: Did your child try more often (planned or spontaneously)?
• Dry intervals: Did the time between accidents get longer (e.g., from 60 to 90 minutes)?
• Awareness: Does your child mention the urge (“I need to go”), do they head to the potty/toilet themselves, or do they ask for help?

If 1 or 2 of these pillars are growing, you're on track. Keep it up. If there's absolutely no movement, reset your base (see below) or ask for advice.

The most common pitfalls

• Wanting to go too fast: skipping steps (e.g., going straight from getting acquainted to “always without a diaper”) causes struggle
• Talking or asking too much: “Do you need to go?” often evokes “no”. Better: announce (“We're going to try for a bit.”).
• Inconsistency between caregivers/locations: different words or rules slow down learning.
• Awkward clothing: buttons/dungarees cause being too late and frustration.
• No child-friendly toilet: without a reducer/stool, sitting relaxed is difficult.
• Ignoring pain: pain → tension → holding it in. Address constipation or urinary complaints first.

Pausing or asking for help: clear thresholds

Do you see daily struggles, lots of tears, or clear fear? Switch back: for 1 to 2 weeks, only short practice moments, focus on relaxed sitting and effort, no pressure on results. Then build up again.

Ask for advice from the child health clinic or doctor if one or more of these points apply:

• Pain/burning when peeing or pooping, hard poop or recurring urinary tract infection
• Poop anxiety that increases or persists despite small, calm steps
• ‍No progress at all in 4–6 weeks: attempts are not increasing, dry intervals are not getting longer
• ‍Serious relapse that does not improve after 2 weeks of basic approach
• ‍A lot of worry or stress for you as a parent

Most “problems” with potty training are recognizable and normal: accidents, resistance, poop anxiety, relapse, and differences between home and daycare. The key is a solid foundation: the same words, predictable moments to go to the potty, a child-friendly toilet and easy clothing, compliments on effort, and reacting neutrally to accidents.

Look at patterns (more attempts, longer dry periods) instead of individual days. Pause when there's a lot of tension and ask for help with pain or lack of progress. With rest and small steps, confidence grows,... and potty training follows step by step.